Today will be a wonderful day since in a little while we will be celebrating my youngest granddaughter's first birthday. I think every birthday should be a celebration, truly what a gift from God to wake up to another day. I don't want to waste one minute of this time I have here on earth. I want to use my five senses of sight, sound, taste, touch and smell to the best I can before I go back home to be with my heavenly father.
Well on with my story. We drove to Texas in a station wagon. We put the seats in the back down, placed blankets on it covered with toys, crayons and coloring books. I had to make this trip an adventure. Back in the day we didn't have things like car seats to keep the kids locked in one place. Plus there was not such thing as TV screen for a car. They sprawled out coloring, ate snacks and took naps. Part of the time I sat in the front with Jimmy listening to his thoughts of this new job. When the kids got noisy, I would jump in the back and read them stories.
When we arrived we slept soundly in the hotel room, and in the morning, Jimmy dropped me and the kids off at our new home that we were renting. We only had one car, no phone hooked up yet, ( no such thing as cell phones) and waited inside the house until the truck drove up with our belongings and furniture. Jimmy left for work and I was on my own.
This was pretty scary for me. I had never been alone like this before. I didn't know where I was, I didn't know anyone in the neighborhood and I had three kids to take care of. The phone was not working yet, so I gathered up my kids and walked up to the neighbor's house to ask to use her phone.
I knocked on the door and the woman didn't look too happy to see us. When I opened my mouth and to tell her the problem and ask to use her phone, she barked at me.
"Go home you Yankee. You are the reason my husband doesn't have a job."
Than she slammed the door in my face. I was devastated. What did I do? Yankee? I have to admit I went home crying and just waited for my husband to come home. The move was a very frightful thing to do. People were not friendly, and the pickup trucks going down the highways had rifles hanging from their back windows. Plus I had three kids that I tried my hardest to keep happy.
We got the kids a dog and that helped with the transition. I spent a lot of time on the phone talking to my family just for that not so homesick feeling. Jimmy's boss knew we didn't know anyone and so he came by with his family sometimes for a barbeque and slowly in time, I was making friends again.
We had birthday parties for the kids, not quite like we did when we lived back home, because no family was around but we did the best we could with decorating the house, making cute cakes, and having neighbor kids over with party games. We went to the zoo and would travel to Galveston for the beach. It was financially harder with out me working, and we missed going out by ourselves since we didn't know anyone to baby-sit. But isn't that part of the deal once you have a family, you do what you got to do. My sisters and my sister in law would try to visit. Once even my parents in law came and took us for a little trip to Mexico.
I remember this like it was yesterday. All of a sudden my husband seemed distant. He would not sit with me and the kids to watch TV when he came home from work. I would almost have to beg him to kiss me. He quit cuddling me in bed. I kept asking him, what was wrong. He denied anything was wrong. Yet another week would go by and I could feel him slipping farther away. He use to call me every night from work at least two or three times and all of a sudden he only called once a night. A woman knows when something is wrong. I tried to be in denial but I couldn't deal with the loneliness. He was my best friend and now he didn't seem to want anything to do with me.
I finally called my mom and cried on the phone. I told her how Jimmy was acting and than my dad came on. As I told him my story of how Jimmy won't even kiss me without me begging him, how he doesn't hold me anymore, or won't spend time with me and the kids, my dad seemed to know the answer. He told me that my husband must be seeing another woman, and that it is hard for a man to give attention to two women at the same time.
The word, seeing another woman, echoed in my mind. It is amazing how when your world starts to go upside down you can't think of anything else. I didn't want to believe my dad so he told me to test him. Get him to make love to you tonight he said. I remember going out with him and the kids the next day. He was still acting cold to me, not in a bad way, just in the intimate way, if you know what I mean. He would not hold my hand when we walked. He laughed and played with the kids, but I would have to initiate a kiss if I wanted one. So that night I did what my father said, and to my surprise, Jimmy didn't want to, he was tired.
I tried to get him to tell me what was wrong, and ask him if he was mad. When Jimmy gets mad, he stops talking all together and that is what happened. It took a couple of nights with me nagging him; until he was so annoyed with me he finally said the words I never expected to hear.
"Marie, I am not in love with you anymore. I love someone else."
I could not breathe at first. The tears gathered in the back of my eyes and as they started to roll down my cheeks I took a pillow and hit him in the face before I ran to the bathroom. The words kept ringing in my head, I love someone else. Did he really say that? How did my dad know? How was I so naive about this and not see this coming.
We talked some more and Jimmy told me that it wasn't me, he just isn't happy and found someone that made him happy. This is quit a bit to take in when you already have a family and been married for almost nine years. Why would you even be looking for anyone else? Isn't it a golden rule once you have a family, you are out of the dating world, and living the dream of your world with your wife and kids?
I went home for a week to spend with my family. I told them that Jimmy said he wanted a separation. He thought that if we were away from each other a while the tension between us would go away and we could figure out whom we are and what we want. This word was to hard too let pass my lips. My dad told me that separations only lead to divorce. So either we try to make it or just leave each other. Divorce a dissolution of a marriage, with emotional tearing, mine, is such a hard word to even think about. It was not in my vocabulary.
I came home back home with the intention that there would be no separation, and that we would work at saving our marriage. Funny thing, he agreed with this. He was nice and caring, and made love to me, and told me he was sorry. I didn't know what happened but I wasn't going to let anything get in the way of how he was feeling now, and tried my hardest to please him.
I was back only for a couple of nights when I got a phone call. A woman on the other end asked me if I was Marie, Jimmy's wife. Well of course I told her yes, and than she apologized to me. Her name was Gloria and she told me that when my husband started pursuing her, she had no idea he was married. Gloria told me that she doesn't believe in going out with married men. She said that Jimmy met her the week I was gone with flowers in his hand, and asked her to marry him. She told him she found out he was married and to go back to his wife.
I bet we were on the phone for nearly two hours before we hung up. I appreciate her honesty and the phone call. I guess that is why JImmy acted so nice when I came back home. Of course I told him about the phone call and I know he felt like a fool, but when he apologized I forgave him. I still loved him, and we have a family now. Our life doesn't belong to us anymore. Now sacrifices have to be made, promises kept and a family to keep together with love and acceptance.
I bet some of you are shaking your heads right now. And I am sure a lot of you would have left the man. But I do believe there is a bigger picture and that we can't see it all the time. Right now I believe that if it weren't for the fact of forgiveness we wouldn't share the love we have today. We would not have the gift of family like we do now to enjoy that was started by US. I will write more tomorrow. I hope you have a great day. I am off to one-year-old birthday party.
I am the Author
a wife, a mother, a grandmother, and still believe in the power of love &